God Time

Today I caught myself looking at a calendar and counting the days until we will be home. To be honest I have been doing that a lot lately. Today is the 20th of March, so we only have about 4 and half more months to go. Sometimes the days fly by, but other times it as if we get caught in God time where “A day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (1 Peter 3:8).

Being here has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be tongue tied. I have things I would love to say, and sometimes I try to say them but the language barrier always seems to leave me stammering and feeling inadequate. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. It is this inadequacy that makes me think I have more value at home,and sometimes takes my focus from off of today and places it on the coming tomorrows.

However in reflection upon this I have come to some realizations that have helped me reevaluate this thought process. Coming to Palawan I had some preconceived ideas of what being a missionary here would be like. I was prepared for the malaria, the living conditions, and even to some degree, the creepy crawlies that infiltrate our home.What I was not prepared for was the complete feeling of inadequacy. I have been humbled here,I have come to realize that I rely a lot on my words, and if words are as cheap as they are said to be,I wouldn't mind buying a few more right now.However the good thing about being tongue tied,is it makes me even more sensitive to my actions. I can't excuse away my impatience, anger,or frustration, but I can choose to consistently show my love through a smile even if I am truly feeling impatient, angry, or tired. I was encouraged this week, when one of my students at prayer meeting publicly stated that he appreciated me because I am always patient with them even when they don't understand their math. This may seem like a small thing, but it really did a lot to encourage me to continue in the small things.

Another realization that has helped me appreciate my time here is the lessons we have learned through the trials. We have had trials, but I can honestly look back on these and be thankful, because the “testing of faith develops perseverance.” We have had tears, we have been broken, but we have by no means been destroyed. My mission here is to teach math...but I feel the success of the mission depends not so much on what I have taught, but on what I have been able to learn.

This week I came across a text in Psalms 90:12 written by Moses that I have never read before. I didn't even know that Moses wrote in the Psalms, but Psalms 90 is credited to him and this particular text really struck me. Moses says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” I have been numbering my days but not in the manner that Moses implies. Life is to short to constantly be thinking about tomorrow. This thought is exemplified in a poem ,written by the most prolific and humble of all poets, Anonymous, that reinstates the significance of today:

He was going to be all that mortal could be,tomorrow.
No one should be kinder or braver than he,tomorrow.
A friend who was troubled and weary he knew,
Who'd be glad for a lift and needed it too,
On him he would call and see what he could do,tomorrow
Each morning he stacked the letters he'd write,tomorrow
And thought of the folks he'd fill with delight,tomorrow
It was to bad indeed he was busy today
He hadn't a minute to spare on the way,
More time he would have to give to others he'd say,tomorrow
The greatest of workers this man would have been,tomorrow
The world would have known him! Had he ever seen tomorrow.
But the fact is he died and faded from view
And all that was left when living was through
Was a mountain of things he intended to do,tomorrow.

The Beatles famously sung about Yesterday, but it is gone, no matter how hard we long for it we can't bring it back. And Mr, Anonymous warns of the danger of relying on Tomorrow, but the hope that is given the reader is that we still have this day. Jesus expands on this when He says in essence, live for today, “do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself” (Matt 6:34). Ironically however, the best way to live for today is to think about the implications of the future by “fixing our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor 4:18). So Lord I pray, “teach me to number my days,that I may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Today we have the opportunity to impact lives for eternity. I have come to understand that even if we don't see the impact of our actions, if we live each day with intentionality, “God will make all things beautiful in His time” (Ecc 3:11). So being caught up in God time isn't necessarily a bad thing even if a day, does sometimes feel like a thousand years.