Love and Marriage

Frank Sinatra famously sang a catchy song with these lyrics, “Love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage, can't have the one without the other.” However the reality of course is that loveless marriages do exist. This is evident in all cultures. The Palawano culture for instance marries very young, much before they are even able to develop a true conception of what love is. It is common for girls as young as 12 to be married and to have multiple kids before they turn 20. These marriages are not typically based on love and often resemble more of a business partnership than a loving relationship.

The Palawano Christian wives sometimes look at the adult single missionary girls here, and dream about what that sort of single, independence would be like. They wonder how their life would be if they could choose love instead of being told whom to love. Divorces are uncommon, but that doesn't mean these marriages are necessarily more successful than the American ones, that more than 60 percent of the time end with separation.

A while ago two of the Palawano Christian wives were talking about love and marriage with a missionary girl here and the missionary asked them, “Do you love your husband?” They didn't seem to really understand the question, but sort of rolled their eyes as if to say of course. They understood that in marriage this is their role, and they seemed oblivious to any other option.

The North American mindset of marriage sets love as a choice. It is not arranged by powers that are outside of our control. However because it is a choice the option is always there that we can decide to break the vow “tell death do us part” and choose to separate because we have chosen to no longer be “in love.” Love cannot be love unless it is given out of free will. However what the American culture all to often forgets is that love is a choice not a feeling. If we fall out of love, we can choose to walk back into it.

The Palawano culture is not always able to choose love, but this does not mean that their marriages are always loveless. They do often grow into love. Nonetheless not being able to choose has some negative consequences.

This week we heard about one of the young brides to be. She is only 12 years old. The custom here is for the engaged couple to live together once the endowment for the bride has been paid. So before the actual marriage, the couple, in the eyes of society are essentially all ready husband and wife. We heard that this 12 year old girl was beat by her father because she refused to sleep with her fiancée. She wasn't beaten to the point of noticeable bruising but the manipulative nature of such action is of course damaging nonetheless.

1st John 4:18 says,“ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Counterfeit love is coerced not chosen, though at times it may appear genuine, forced love can never be anything more than a pseudo, type of make believe love. Love and marriage were designed to go together. Marriage is sanctioned by God, and love is to be its fundamental and divine attribute. However for love to be perfect it must be freely given.

God places a supreme importance on free will, enabling humanity to choose love is why He died on the cross. The ability for humanity to activate their free will means the choice to accept or reject God's love must always remain. God is all powerful, but there is some things He is unwilling to do. He cannot change the definition of what He has previously defined. For instance a triangle has three sides, it is impossible to make a triangle have four sides because then its essence would no longer be that of a triangle. The same way with free will, God could manipulate our will so that we would by default serve Him, but doing so would change the essence of free will, and God is unable/unwilling to change that definition because, “He is love” (1 Jn:4:16).

I am glad I come from a culture that places the emphasis on love in marriage. Love is a choice to be faithful, it is not a variable dependent on feelings that can change with the seasons. Love is meant to be everlasting, and the genuine kind of love, “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor 13:7).


3 of these girls in the pictures are getting married. 12 years old does not look any older here than it does anywhere else.

Some Pics

Meet Me in Galilee

Last Sabbath I had my first sermon in Kamantian.I talked about the importance of forgiveness, and related the story of Darold Bigger, pastor/teacher at Walla Walla, whose daughter was raped and murdered. As a pastor he knew it was important to forgive, he was aware of texts like Matthew 6:14,15 which say, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.”

However when he was in the courtroom and he looked into the cold and indifferent face of the killer, he realized that he could not forgive him! He had seen the forensic photos that showed the tortured last minutes of his daughters life on earth, and he could only imagine her unanswered cries for help. How could he possibly forgive, yet as a pastor he knew that this was his duty.

This internal mental turmoil of grief, anger, and awareness of biblical responsibility lead him to do a study on forgiveness. With a team of researchers and financial backing from Loma Linda, Darold and his team researched the benefits of forgiveness. Through this process he was led to Galilee.

He was profoundly impacted by the way Jesus extended forgiveness to Peter. On the night of the last supper Jesus told his disciples that all would fall away because of him, but that after his resurrection He would meet them in Galilee. To this Peter replied, “Even if all others fall away on account of you, I never will...even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you” (Matt 26: 33,35). But before the night was over Jesus saw one of his best friends (Peter) vehemently deny him at the time when he could have used a friend the most. Peter's inability to stand crushed his own spirit and he “wept bitterly”.

However when Jesus was resurrected the message he imparted to Mary, through the angels was, “tell His disciples and Peter that He goeth before you into Galilee; there you shall see Him, as He said unto you.” Jesus specifically names Peter. “Since the death of Christ, Peter had been bowed down with remorse” (Desire of Ages 485). By calling Peter by name Jesus not only showed that He had forgiven him, the forgiveness extended to Peter also enabled Peter to forgive himself.

For Darold this story was profound because it shows that we are not the ones that do the forgiving. Darold said he could not forgive the man that raped his daughter. But the forgiveness that Jesus extends, reaches beyond us if we will allow His forgiveness to reach those we have been wronged by. All we have to do is meet Jesus in Galilee, “His grace is sufficient, for power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9) Forgiveness come from God, not from us and is initiated by Him not by us. Forgiveness is God's gift, not our work.

As I was relating this story the little church in Kamantian began to get pummeled with a torrential rain. The rain pounded so loud that despite my best impersonation of a loud baptist preacher the words I was saying were not reaching the back. We stopped for a little while and then resumed.

Forgiveness is God's means of healing. Author and pastor, Dennis Smith says, “When we don't forgive and choose not to release the anger and bitterness that we feel, it is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die” (Deliverance). That's not to say there is never a place for anger, there is such a thing as righteous indignation. The bible says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph 4:26-27). Its good to hate sin, we can be angry at rape and disease, but if our anger gives way to bitterness we drink a concoction that only harms ourselves. We know that Satan walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 4:8). And when we have been hurt, emotionally, physically or spiritually, this is especially when we can expect Satan to attack. Darold Bigger in his research has found that forgiveness is a powerful elixir for physical, emotional, and spiritual disease. Dennis Smith reports that, “Health professionals say that 80% of diseases have an emotional and spiritual root cause” (Deliverance).

I have also heard it said that 99% of all statistics are false. I don't know how we come to such set in stone numbers, but I do know that hardships and trials come to everyone from time to time. Jesus says, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (Jn 16:33) “This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (1 Jn 5:4). When the rain comes and discouragement besets us, we may “weep bitterly” like Peter. However the restoration and forgiveness that was offered to Peter is also offered to us. We also can choose to meet Jesus in Galilee.

Happy Father's Day

While writing the previous blog and thinking about all of the abuse children suffer, it made Danelle and I thankful for our dads, and the loving examples they have given us. It also made me think of Dyuni, pronounced (Junie).

Dyuni is a solid, well liked leader of the youth. A couple of months ago I volunteered to pray for him. The request was that he would be able to meet his dad. One night when Dyuni was over at our house he explained to us that he did not know who his father was. As he was talking we could tell that he was noticeably sad about this, and I wished that I knew more words that I could comfort him with.

Three weeks ago a lady from Brooke's Point came into contact with Dyuni's dad. Knowing the prayer request, she went about to set up a meeting between the two of them. Dyuni's dad agreed, and last week Dyuni left to meet his dad for the first time.

Unfortunately his dad did not meet up as planned. Not all stories have happy endings, but this story isn't over yet either. Dyuni is still hopeful he will meet his dad and I believe they are going to try and do so again. I am going to try and remember to keep praying for Dyuni. He is such a positive leader here, as you read this blog if you could pray for him too, it would be appreciated.

Father's day is coming soon, Danelle and I are very thankful for the role our fathers have played in our life. And we just wanted to wish you both an early happy father's day!

Update: I wrote this three days ago, Dyni told me in class this morning that his dad is coming today, and he thanked me for praying for him. This story has a happy ending after all.

Father of the Fatherless

This last week one of the school students died. His name was Nuki, he was a class clown type that everybody liked. No one from Kamantian even knew he was sick, we found out that he died at the Wednesday night prayer meeting. Towards the end of the meeting, Nuki's uncle Maliling came running into break the news, at which point some of the girls started wailing.

The next day school was canceled, and the boys left to be grave diggers to bury their friend and for two of the boys, their brother.

Apparently Nuki had been sick for four days prior to his death. We learned that it was originally thought that he was demon possessed because he was foaming at the mouth and trying to bite people. He was taken to the hospital in Brooke's Pt. He had to be tied down to keep from biting people, the doctors diagnosed him with rabies.

The boy with his tongue out is Nuki

Rabies is a horrible, diabolic disease. Its understandably confused with demon possession because the manifestations of foaming, and thrashing about are similar. Nuki lived a hard life and his death wasn't any easier.

His father was a violent man, and for whatever reason Nuki became the chosen object of his anger. Because of this Nuki suffered developmental delays, he was small for his age, and although not noticeably mentally delayed, he was slower cognitively than his piers.

Nuki also inherited his father's rage and was known from time to time to lash out without apparent or with minimal reason. About a month ago such an incident happened and he tried to kill his brother with a machete because he wasn't given the cell phone that he wanted. Because of this incident Nuki was removed from school.

After his death the students were asking us if they would see him in heaven one day. Nuki was not a “Christian”, though before his death he asked for prayer because he didn't like the thoughts he was having. The response we gave the students was, “we don't know if we will see him in heaven or not, we look at outward appearances but only God can read the heart.” (1 Sam 5:7).

I am glad that God is the one who determines such things. When Jesus gave his famous sermon on the mount, the very first things He said were, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted” (Matt 5:3-4). These words for me point to the essence of who God is, a compassionate, merciful, and loving Savior.

This world is not fair. Its not fair that kids like Nuki are beaten by their earthly fathers before they can even say their first word. But the fathers of this world, and our understanding of justice is in no way a reflection of our heavenly Father and His omniscient justice.

Psalms 34:18 says, “The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” the very reason Christ died for us was to redeem us by “binding up the brokenhearted, and by proclaiming freedom for the captives, and to release prisoners from darkness” (Isa 61:1).

My experience in the social work field has amazed me with the resiliency of children. So many times I have seen children thrive despite the atrocities done to them, by those who are supposed to be their protectors. And furthermore if given the choice these children will, the majority of the time, choose to return to the very ones that abuse them, hoping that maybe this time, if they act just right their parents will love them.

The most basic definition of God is that, “God is love” (1 Jn:4:16). Because of this and the most well known bible verse in all of scripture (Jn 3:16), I know that if Nuki is not in heaven, he won't be tortured forever. The bible explains, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life”. To perish is to cease to exist. If Nuki chose to not believe, he may not enter the heavenly rest, but he will still have rest in the grave. The bible confirms this, when talking about those who have sinned and will face the retribution of God, Jeremiah says, “They will sleep forever and not awake” (Jer 51:57). “The wages of sin is death”, not eternal dying (Rom 6:23). The wages of sin is permanent cessation of life, not perpetual pain and punishment for ones life. If Nuki is not in heaven, he will not be miraculously kept alive for the purpose of being continuously tortured by a “loving God”. That would be a reflection of his earthly father.

My dad in his book expands on this concept and explains, “I am surprised at how many Christians seem to prefer the always-burning, eternal, and everlasting fires of hell. There are some verses that almost seem to read that way but there are simple explanations. The word “gospel” means “good news” and I think the gospel of Jesus is literally overflowing with good news!” 1.

I don't know if Nuki will be in Heaven. But I know that God was not oblivious to the pain he suffered during his short life here. Psalms 38:6 says that God even counts our tears and records them in His book. He is the “Father of the fatherless” and through Him all can “receive a spirit of adoption, and by Him cry Abba, Father” (Ps 68:5; Rom 8:15). Because of this I can unreservedly pray, “Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt 6:9-10).


1.Murray McGill Dead Birds Don't Sing but Witching Rods Talk. Ch 43

*For free information on the subject of hell, check out amazingfacts.org or bibleuniverse.com.

* Also David Assherick does an excellent sermon on this topic called “The Good News about Hell” to listen to that follow this link: http://www.audioverse.org/sermons/recordings/28/revelation-s-lake-of-fire-the-good-news-about-hell.html

*One of the best presentations of this subject I have heard is a three part series by Dwight Nelson. To listen to these follow this link http://www.pmchurch.tv/searchcart-NV.php?search=the+truth+about+hell&submit.x=0&submit.y=0

Next Step

Next Step

Yesterday was May 1st today its already the middle of June, how did that happen? Our year as missionaries in the Philippines is quickly coming to its end. This week some of the students have been asking when we are leaving. They are genuinely sad when they realize how soon it is. Their sadness was touching and it makes us grateful for the two months remaining that we do have.

We return to the States July 29. A question we anticipate being asked upon returning is, “How was it?” The most encompassing response to that is, “it was an excellent experience”. We have loved the love that has been so freely extended to us, and the little kids who would make themselves comfortable in our laps. We will remember playing basketball in the rain and mud on a 8ft and a 11ft rim. We have enjoyed seeing the youth mature in a variety of ways; the outlook for the new generation looks good. And in our cooking we have learned how to make a fruit a vegetable and a vegetable a fruit.

So often the hardest times, and challenges that are faced and overcome, are looked back on as the most memorable experiences of ones life. This has already proved to be the case of our year here in the Philippines. For example, there was the bathroom experience involving the scorpion, that we can look back and laugh about. There was the language learning, including the two weeks of separation where we were in different villages. And there has been the constant late nights and long days of dealing with patients who not only struggle physically, but spiritually as well. These challenges we have faced and overcome would not have been possible without the support we have so generously received, foremost through prayer. “Prayer does not bring God down to us, but brings us up to Him” (Steps to Christ 93). One thing we have experienced and learned this year is the incredible power of prayer.

Now that this year is nearing its end the logical question is, “What are we going to do next?” We wanted to start our marriage on a mission minded path. Now we want to build on that foundation. We've been thinking about attending a school called ARISE. We've met several people in the last year who have attended the program and it seems like a good next step for us to continue in a mission minded path.
ARISE is a 3½ month education saturated with practical ways to share, defend, and exemplify the value of Christianity. One goal of the program is to have the students return to home churches and infuse and educate outreach ideas. This education enables students to have answers to tough questions asked by non believers. Our plan is to use this training to do bible work for at least a year and be sponsored by a church to do outreach evangelism and bible studies with the principles learned. We have had a taste of this already while in Spokane because we worked with Arise graduates off and on. Through this experience we saw people who participated in bible studies, become baptized, and go onto give bible studies themselves. Their lives have truly been changed into freedom in Christ.

Even after a year of intensive bible working we want to make outreach an everyday part of our lives. Whether it be to our neighbors, co-workers, or people we meet everyday. To have an opportunity to have education and practical experience doing this is something we place a high value on. David Assherick started the school based on a text found in Isaiah 60:1,2: “Arise shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is upon you...” We believe that God is directing us to this next step. The lessons we have learned this year, the people we have met who have attended the program, and the direction we want our future to go, all confirm that God is pointing us to the program.

The program costs 4000 dollars each and includes room and board. Danelle and I have secured a 400 dollar scholarship and we have enough so far for one of us to attend, but $3800 is still needed to cover both of us. If you would be willing to continue to support us through prayer, and consider helping us financially it would be a huge blessing to us.
To make a tax-deductible donation towards our ARISE tuition, please send a check or money order payable to:

ARISE
PO Box 5529
Sonora, CA 95370

If you want to make a donation via credit card, please call 209.206.0915.

These are some of the crazy creatures that make up everyday life here in Kamantian. The scorpion in the last picture was a huge one! Spiders, snakes, and scorpions are all around us. But we don't see them all the time, sometimes ignorance is bliss. At least that's what I told Danelle when we first arrived and saw all the spider eyes reflecting from our head lamps. I said just don't look...she didn't like that very much. But now ten months into it, I think she has gotten more use to them too. I hardly notice them anymore, but it will be nice to return to the States and not have all sort's of creepy crawlies scurrying away when we enter a room or turn a light on

You Say Goodbye I Say Hello

A little more than a month ago we asked for prayers and support for Joha so she could return and be a nurse here again. She returned June 8, just as the other nurse Michelle was leaving. It wasn't timed that way on our part, it must have been a gift of God.

We weren't expecting Joha to arrive until Thursday. But Sunday night I, Danelle, came down with that nasty malaria again. Michelle was leaving Tuesday. Running the clinic while trying to keep from throwing up and choking down malaria meds and ibuprofen around the clock was sounding quite discouraging. It's not like Michelle could just change her flight last minute. But then God in His perfect timing had it planned so Joha would come in the very day Michelle left. The worst of my sick days are over (hopefully) and I think I'm on the up-swing now. But that day, Michelle covered the clinic up until she left, and Joha arrived a couple of hours later. God also made it a quiet day so I only had to see one simple patient while sick.

Michelle's leaving has made us think about some of the feelings that we probably will feel in a couple of months. Time lately seems to be going very fast! It didn't seem that long ago that we were just arriving saying hello to Joha and all the other missionaries and Palawano's. Saying good bye to Michelle brings those feelings full circle. We are glad for the time remaining that we do have. God has blessed! In sickness and in health we are glad that He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Thank you to everyone who supported Joha through prayer and financially to enable her to be back here again. She is truly a blessing and more to us and the Palawano's alike. Last night she was telling us about her fund-raising, and how God worked. He knows our needs and His timing is perfect. Thank you for being a part in this miracle.